On Saturday, the family relaxes, eats a few more Canteen burgers and has an incredible steak dinner at Grandma's place. If you think steak is good out here, go try the Midwest. The cuts are thick, tender and often more flavorful than what we can find out here. After dinner, Sean, P, K and myself decide to head down to the Irish pub where K and I started last night in order to watch the Oscar de la Hoya fight.
Only it's not on. This is disappointing, especially to Sean who seems inordinately frustrated by it, but I'm not concerned. But the trip to the pub sets us up perfectly for a big fish/small pond scenario. In the back room, a party is going on with what looks like a lot of college students. Beautiful women keep floating by our table on the way to the bathroom. This is when P starts in on me.
As I'm looking at one of passing ladies, P tells me that he's never seen me in any sort of action and doesn't believe I have it in me. He tells me that in his day, he'd already be in the back room mixing it up with these kids, and the fact that I'm not willing to walk up cold to one of the party is, in effect, cowardly. I attempt to explain to him the concept that the back room is probably some sort of fraternity party, which would entail that the girls all came with dates. He tells me that this is my reasoning for not talking to any of them. I agree and invite him to have HIS ass kicked by the frat boys if talking to their girlfriends is really all that important to him.
We ask the owner who they are, and P's ears perk up when he says they're a fraternity from Creighton, P's alma mater. The next girl to walk by, a stunning blond wearing glasses, prompts P to get awkwardly loud in telling me to ask her what fraternity they're from. She walks to the bar and he's all over me to go talk to her. I've realized at this point though that single or not, she is with that group, and I'm asking for some sort of repeat of Friday night (see "...And then I got hit) if I go talk to her. I turn away for two seconds, and when I turn back, P is at the bar talking with her.
I do a double take.
Nope, sure enough, there's P talking to a 20 year old coed at the bar. The waitress comes over to our table and asks me, "So he's hitting on younger women now?" I tell her he's married to my Mom, so I'm not very worried about the whole thing. But when I turn around again, this girl is leading him into the back room. He smiles at me and gives me the thumbs up. Now my initial thought is that he's told this girl, "I just want to play a joke, can you walk me back there," or something like that. But as he enters the room, he starts shaking hands with everyone, and they close one of the two doors, blocking him from my view as he starts in with a speech that is greeted periodically by cheers and laughs. I'm a bit slackjawed as P comes out of the room, shit eating grin on his face and bright red from laughing. Turns out, not only did this group go to the same college he went to, but they're in the same fraternity. While they're up to member number 1100 or so, P's number is 47, so he's a living, breathing relic for the house.
After sitting back down, P sends over 4 pitchers of Guiness, which raises several more cheers from the room. When they're done, the group comes to pay their respects, as each guy comes to give P the grip before they leave the restaurant. While this is happening, I notice one of the girls being corralled towards me, presumably to say hello, and she's quite obviously embarrassed and bright red. As they get her near my table, she whisks herself away, and I can only think that she said something to someone about me and they were trying to force the introduction. I don't remember the last time I saw a girl that nervous, so I leave it alone. I contemplate crashing the party at the hotel that one of the guys tells me about, but decide that it's just not a very smart idea. I instead tell them about the after hours at Elbow Room, but know that won't be happening (when have you seen a group of 20 college kids make it to a place at 2 am after drinking all night?), as some of them are underage.
K is tired and wants to go home, but after seeing herself and her cookie induced eyes in the bathroom mirror decides she should stick it out with me a little longer. P, after saying all proper goodbyes, sees the blond in the glasses waiting at a table after everyone has left the bar. He tells me, "now's the perfect chance!" I don't say anything, as I don't want to hear that I'm making excuses, but you can tell just by looking that she's waiting for someone, and that someone HAS to be her boyfriend. There's absolutely no way I'm going to talk to her (not to mention that I'm still kinda thinking about the girl who looked like she wanted to meet me.) Sure enough, two minutes later, out comes the president of the house. I take the opportunity to rub it in his face....."you see, I knew she had a boyfriend, and you're calling me a coward for not going over there to destroy all the goodwill you just built up in the house. There are some things I know." He admits that I'm right on this one before taking Sean home.
After they leave, K and I head over with our friend from the bar to the Salty Frog where a rock band called "hellifIknow" is playing through a set. I have another of those, "only in Iowa" moments. About midway through an intermission, a nasty looking guy of about 70 comes up to K and literally tries to smell her after telling her he's a "FIBS, federal inspector of bullshit." He's creepy and I'm amazed that someone would even try to get that close to a stranger in a bar without being forced to. I immediately take her back to the front of the bar and away from this nut job. She's then subjected to being hit on by the bouncer who asks her, "how much does a polar bear weigh?" The answer is "enough to break the ice, I'm Jason" and I think she's going to die her eyes roll so far back in her head. A bit before 12, she cabs home and I'm left out among the locals with only Chris to keep me company. We head over to Scooter's, but at 2, when it's time to head over to Elbow Room for the after party, he's no where to be seen.
I do some mental math now...stay or go? I'm alone, in the middle of Iowa, with no js, a half pack of Parliament lights and no alcohol at the BYOB club. I bum a beer of someone near by and decide I'll stick it out for a while. I realize that no one here knows me, I don't give a shit what they think, and hit the dance floor, solo, trying to show people that contrary to what I've seen over the past two nights, humans of the male gender actually can dance. Back here in CA, that's not an issue, but out there, I didn't see one guy that did anything other than try to grind, which makes me want to shout at him, "grinding isn't dancing jackass!!!" But I'm not alone for long as I find an excellent dance partner in a local girl named Alyssa who I hang out with for the rest of the evening.
At about 4:30 it's time for my lonely walk home again, but at least tonight it's not drizzling like last night, and half way home I stop at a gas station only to find the same guy that was hitting on K with the polar bear line. He's taken me for his new out of town friend and has the girl he's with give me a ride back home.
And that's the end of the story worthy parts of the Iowa trip. Sunday is spent taking family photos and eating, and K and I head to Harold and Kumar at the local theatre. I attempt to get her to rally for a drink or two on Main Street to say proper goodbye to the Salty Frog, but she's just not having it. When I get home on Monday, I'm happy to head immediately to a Cinco de Mayo party at Xena's place before hitting up the Skylark. And it's good to be home.
Pictures: Elbow Room in Ottumwa, K and I with the pub owner Tim, P and the brothers, our Pub group, hellifIknow, Alyssa (bottom center) at the Elbow Room, T and Margaret, Margaret and I, Bini and I at the Cinco de Mayo.
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