The Road to Iowa

My trip starts at 6:30 on Thursday morning. After K and I kill a j and eat a baked good each, we’re ready to deal with the flight and our parents. We get to the airport, where despite the fact that I don’t trip the metal detector, they insist on patting me down because I didn’t take off the sweatshirt I was wearing. TSA doesn’t even trust their own metal detectors now…

As we’re getting on the plane, we’re talking about the food at the lake house and how it costs a lot per day to feed the people that come there. Kelsey relates this to “shooting fish in a barrel.” I ask her how it’s like shooting fish in a barrel and she has no answer. I tell her it is nothing like shooting fish in a barrel and we both start cracking up. P and Mom assume this is because we’re tired and delirious, not high. Mom is also in the process of trying to introduce me to her personal shopper at one of the Nordstrom’s stores. She tells me, “I have her name, maybe you can MyFace her.” Trust me, this blending of MySpace and Facebook is not something we’ve allowed her to forget yet.

We arrive in Denver, have a short layover, and get on the plane for Des Moines. The plan is to wait in Des Moines for two hours until Em and Sean get there with their new baby (my nephew Brennan), and then drive the hour and a half to Ottumwa where we’re staying. But nothing goes as planned, right? We get a call when we land from Em saying that while the flight they’re on hasn’t left the gate yet, it has closed the doors and won’t let them on. This means that they won’t arrive in Des Moines until at least 11. This is not so good news.

But it gives us a chance to take in the local flavor. We meet up with our cousins and their kids, go out to dinner at a nice restaurant and have a pear vodka martini. What’s a bit freaky about this restaurant is it’s very nice, in the middle of Iowa, and yet for some reason, the majority of the items on the menu are seafood. Let me say that again…we’re in the middle of Iowa and the majority of the menu is seafood. I decide not to risk it and eat a steak. After dinner, we head out and enjoy the culture by heading to the Des Moines softball field. It makes me feel like all they do in Iowa is play softball as there’s at least six games going on. This, at multiple times, almost leads to hazardous death as foul balls from the high school girls’ games frequently pepper not only the stands of people focused on other games, but the elementary school girls’ games as well.

Em, Sean and Bren arrive, we start on the road, and get to our destination about 1 am. Welcome to Iowa.