The Mateo Show and Unity on Union

So we've developed a new thing down here. Whereas most people live in the city, there are a few of us holdouts who enjoy the better weather, cheaper rent, and ease of getting up to the city that is enjoyed by living on the Peninsula. This weekend, I got the best of both worlds.

On Friday night, Hosin, his girl and myself embarked on what has become known as the Mateo (Ma-Tee-Oh) Shit Show. Basically, this involves getting fantastically drunk locally. It's called the "Shit Show" because more often than not, setting out to get fantastically drunk is going to have that result. One of the things we like about it is that because the apartment is in walking distance, no one needs to drive and everyone gets to go big. Of course, one has to be careful to avoid a few things during the Mateo Shit Show: don't whistle at cops, don't start fights with any locals, and in support of that, don't take Hosin to McGovern's...the place is like a personal bottle of aggro for him.

So we head over to Glow first, which, beyond any other bar in downtown San Mateo is the biggest hit and miss. Thankfully, I only see one girl I know from high school, and I save myself the embarrassment I felt last time when I went up to someone I knew just to say hi, only then realizing that I had no idea what their name was. I avoid her. On the walk over, I had ditched my red cup in the bushes to save for later. When we leave, I get it, but find that a caterpillar has decided it wants to spend its Friday night drunk too and is swimming around, so I toss the thing. McGovern's isn't much better...now, I know I said that we avoid this place to avoid any sort of accidental fight, but the prospect of watching something crazy happen is just too intense, so we usually stop by there just to see what's going on.

From there we moved on to what I'm sure will quickly become my new favorite place, if it can ever get any sort of crowd support. Azul looks like a ridiculous Mexican nightclub, complete with flashy blue neon lights that would be just as at home in some coke-fueled 80s Miami Vice style story line. When you go in, it's what you'd expect...high ceilings, a super large dance floor and lots of black and blue decor. Now, I had been here before during my Cinco de Mayo explorations, but what I didn't realize until Hosin found it the other night was that this place has a very very cool outdoor patio/smoking space. If they could fill in the dance floor a little bit more, that and the patio would make it by far my favorite spot in San Mateo.

From there, it's home, but again, on Saturday morning, I'm still faded! I gotta figure out how this keeps happening to me and a way to bottle it up...how many people would like to skip a Saturday morning hangover and go right to Saturday afternoon faded?

And it's a good thing too because Saturday is the Union Street Fair, which is always a stack of debauchery wrapped in a ribbon of ridiculousness. I start out at Nini's where Katie helps me lay down a solid foundation for the day of drinking that lay ahead. Once out of there, I'm up in the city by the time I finish chewing the two brownies I decided would be a good addition to my day. This means that by the time I park and cruise up to Topher and ChengJ's place, my feet are a good 24 inches off the ground. We put down a few more drinks before going to Bus Stop to meet up with Marc, JK, Glass and a few others. Of course, Bus Stop being on Union, the place is packed, and after waiting in line, getting in and getting drinks, Marc and JK decide it's time to leave. We try to get them to stay, "C'mon, we just got here, give us a break," but they're antsy, so they take off. Not very surprising, but certainly less than welcome.

We stay there for a little while longer, one girl deciding that I look more like a barstool than a person, before we head outside. There, we find the Blue Moon beer garden, where shots of Blue Moon are .25 each. I try to buy 8 but the bartender looks at me like I'm nuts. She says one at a time. I say there's no way I waited in that entire line to get one shot of beer. She puts them both down, Topher and I each pound one and she pours more. I hand these to Mike, she pours two more, we take them and move on. About the time we finish, they're looking to close up the garden, so we move along to City Tavern where our favorite bartenders are working. Here, I'm assaulted by a girl I can only think is both psychotic and alcoholic. It starts when she attacks my shirt, claiming to be an Iowa State student and ripping me as a false fan of Iowa. We get into it, she's getting nasty about the whole thing, and then all of a sudden she admits she's not even from Iowa. I disappear out a side door and leave her with Glass, who thanks me profusely when I get back in. But she gets to repay the favor, as she leaves me with Crazy girl who is now talking what I can only describe as gibberish.

She leaves, Glass and I compare notes, and then 15 minutes later she's back, at the bar, sobbing. It's frightening and prompts us all to leave the bar, with Glass going home to pass out and me heading back to Topher's where we eat some pizza and regroup. They're playing cards and it's starting to look like they won't get out of the house, so I put the drinking shoes back on and head down to the Cloud where E is working again. Thankfully this time I don't cause him to almost be fired, and I don't make too much of an ass out of myself with the waitress. I do, however, look pretty damn pretentious as I sit at the door and card someone that E missed, doing my best "hold card out in two hands and look at it from afar" bouncer impression. It's through this time spent at the Cloud that E and I recognize the importance of "being first," and more importantly, the importance of drunk food at 2 am as we promptly hustle over to the crepe stand to end the night.