So I'm getting X a graduation present, and I think to myself, "what does X really like?" The first thing that comes to mind is Gwen Stefani. But I know that if I get her two Gwen tickets, I'll get to be the date. This is a scary proposition. Instead, I buy 4 tickets and a parking pass, thinking that she'll utilize them with her friends. Perfect. Only, when it comes time to actually go see the concert, she wants me to come. It defeats the purpose, but hey, I guess I get a Gwen Stefani show out of it...right?
So I start early. Intending to be the silliest guy in the room, I eat a special cookie (as one of my runners would say, "is it special because it's made with love?") and pound a double sized rodka at my apartment. This is before I get picked up. You can see a picture of me after all this, as Coach was nice enough to take one as a "before" picture. They come to get me at 7:22, which in my mind is a little late for a show that has a stated ticket start time of 7:30. But hey, who am I to stop them from getting In-n-Out?
As we head down 101, in traffic, eating animal style fries, I continue drinking. It tastes like medicine, which I guess means I got a little carried away when I was putting the vodka in. We get a text from someone at the show, and Gwen is already on at 8:12. I say that's bullshit and it's Gwen doing a song with Akon. I turn out to be correct. I take another drink to celebrate. The traffic clears up and the premier parking pass has us right next to the door with plenty of time.
Now I've been to Shoreline shows before, and I can tell you that pop/hip-hop shows really don't do well in the attendance department. I'm figuring this concert to be the same, only to see the lawn when we get there is one of the most packed I've ever seen it. I'm actually shocked. I go to the bar and wait in line only to be told that the line I'm in doesn't accept credit card. I feel wretched, so I go to the back of the credit card line only to have the bartendress insist that I move to the front of the credit card line, telling two girls that I was waiting for a while. This is true, but I still feel bad. I've carried Za's stolen pack of cigarettes in, and offer them two for their trouble. I then buy two long islands to celebrate.
On the lawn, it's Xena, myself, X, McButter, B and a host of other girls I hadn't met before. One is Arlene, and I think I've met her before. By the time Gwen comes on, she could be playing Egyptian traveler music and I'd still probably enjoy it. She of course plays her big hits, Sweet Escape, Hollerback Girl (possibly the worst song of all time), and several others. Thankfully, I can't embarrass myself anymore by knowing the names to these songs, cause that's all I know, or all I actually remember of the show. I consistently make myself a pest to X by asking, "When is she gonna play, 'Bossy'" and things of that nature. I forget who I'm told is actually the Bossy singer, but I would prefer not to hear it again so I won't dwell.
She looks fantastic. She's in and out of outfits quick, ranging from skater to prep and everywhere in between. Her only downfall is when she opens her mouth and says stuff like, "I'm like, so fucking happy to be here, like, I'm from SoCal, but I always have love for NorCal, they're like, the same." I want to grab a Valencia orange from wherever she's from and shove it down her throat. I yell into the crowd, "don't denigrate NorCal like that!!!" which I don't think anyone around me appreciates. But by this time, I've downed two long islands and a joint, so my concern for the what the people around me are thinking is at an all time low.
I leave as she plays some slow ballads or something to get more drinks. Two more long islands...
You'd expect my night to fade out here, but I distinctly remember a few more songs, some dancing and a walk to the car. I even seem to recall walking alongside the car while it was in traffic, but that could be a fantasy that never actually happened. Look at the picture and try to see my eyes at the end of the night. This is known as the after picture.
I remember getting home, a shower, and
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